[Editorial] Pain – Rhamat Ayinke

I have lived with chronic pain for so many years. Every seconds, minutes, and hours have been a parlous moment in my life. Everyday and weeks are terrifying. The pain was so severe that I didn’t even think am living, I was far from being called a human. It would be very difficult to forget this odious experiences, I hardly thought about food nor sleeping, most times I thought my life has ended up. I tried to smile but the pain couldn’t allow the smile to come from within.

Many times I asked myself random questions like is this pain made for me alone? Is this my fate or self afflicted problem? Can I be free from this terrible defect? I don’t even think other people feel what am passing through. The severity of the pain really got to my head and made me behaved in an abnormal ways, this made alot of people deserted me.

One day I realized that everything in this life is just a lesson.
When I was young at the age of 12, a beautiful and intelligent girl in junior secondary school 2, something bad happened to me which I couldn’t comprehend. The incident really made me shooked and speechless.
One day I was sleeping inside the classroom suddenly my sister shouted my name repeatedly, as I was trying to open my eyes, she started asking me random questions like what happened to your hair? who cut your hair? Immediately I took a mirror from my bag to check, I saw that my hair has gone, it was strange, I was shocked, tears flooded my eyes and I cried like a wet cat. After many consolations from my classmates, I went home dejected.
The second day the hair refused to grow, it was a sad moment of my life, how can I live without my hair, hair is the beauty of a woman they always say, but why is my own different? Who does this to me have I offended someone? Is this how am going to live the rest of my life? I was confused. this really caused pain in my life which I nurtured for many years.

My parent tried their best but all their efforts are futile, so many guys professed their love to me, but I couldn’t hear them out because I thought they wouldn’t be able to cope with me.
After few years
There was a particular guy which I had a crush on when I was in ss3, one fateful day, the guy walked up to me and asked me out, I was confused whether to accept or not because the thought of will he date a lady without hair flooded my mind. I ran away and ket avoiding him. I continued living my awkward life. I did my waec and made all my papers I started planning for admission into university. Then I started going to tutorial in preparation for my UTME, on my way to tutorial one day, I heard a pastor saying a girl without hair has lost her destiny and glory, I was shocked and afraid. I muttered that is it real have lost my destiny and glory? I cried and decided to take sniper maybe that would cure my pain. I thought that It’s only the living that experience pain, the dead doesn’t feel anything. But after some hours of thinking, I decided to give myself some times before I take a decision.
Two years later, I gained admission into a polytechnic I had a mixed feeling. All through my years in school I covered my head, everybody thought it was because I am a muslim.

The day we did our last paper in 100 level, a guy intentionally pulled off my scarf and the secret had been hidden came to light, everybody laughed at me and called me different names, I felt embarrassed and then fainted.

I could not continue with my education because I thought that is the end of the world. I returned home to continue a painful life until I met a guy that advised me and encouraged me that my problems doesn’t mean the end of life.
He stood by me and motivated me though my hair never grew but he gave me life worthwhile. And his motivating words always keep me going. he accepted me and shoe me care endlessly. Though I still feel the pain of not having hair but his affevtion has inundated me and flow over longtime pain.

Each of us has experienced tragedy in one way or the other but all we need to do is to be strong and have faith.
Many people laughed at me which made me sad back then but now have experienced happiness.

Author✍️: Rahmat Ayinke


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